bkellogg7 (1:55:31 AM): can i ask you something?
b3aub3au (1:55:41 AM): fo' sho'
bkellogg7 (1:55:53 AM): did you hook up with eirn when she was in seattle?
bkellogg7 (1:56:54 AM): ?
bkellogg7 (1:57:59 AM): please be honest
b3aub3au (1:58:24 AM): yes
bkellogg7 (1:58:39 AM): ok, well dont tell erin or laura you told me
bkellogg7 (1:58:47 AM): you've fucked up my life enough not to give me that honor
b3aub3au (1:58:49 AM): i am done talking to laura i think
b3aub3au (1:58:57 AM): what is going on, dude?
bkellogg7 (1:59:07 AM): you knew, you said you did
bkellogg7 (1:59:13 AM): erin and i have been dating for 3 years
bkellogg7 (1:59:18 AM): she IS my world
b3aub3au (1:59:21 AM): i am so in the dark about everything that it makes me sick, and to think that i fucked up shit for you makes me feel even worse
bkellogg7 (1:59:22 AM): every action i do is for her
b3aub3au (1:59:42 AM): i asked her the other night if you were together
b3aub3au (1:59:47 AM): and if you had been together when she was in seattle
b3aub3au (1:59:48 AM): and she told me no
bkellogg7 (2:00:05 AM): she's lying
b3aub3au (2:00:21 AM): this was after she explained to me that laura had been lying the whole time
b3aub3au (2:00:44 AM): and i am really, really not wanting to go back and try and re-figure-out the entire mess of everything
bkellogg7 (2:00:49 AM): and on a side note why would you hook up with a girl how had a boyfried of 3 years and who's best friend you know was in love with you?
b3aub3au (2:01:08 AM): first of all, i had no idea that laura felt the way she felt about me
b3aub3au (2:01:51 AM): second of all, erin told me she was single
b3aub3au (2:02:02 AM): it was only after they left seattle that i had any idea otherwise
bkellogg7 (2:02:02 AM): i dont blame you
b3aub3au (2:02:11 AM): and then i was told that was wrong too
bkellogg7 (2:02:13 AM): its erin and i's problems
bkellogg7 (2:02:51 AM): yeah i know, de facto knowldege sucks huh?
bkellogg7 (2:02:54 AM): just look at my case
bkellogg7 (2:03:00 AM): 3 years of my life thrown away
b3aub3au (2:03:11 AM): why is it thrown away?
b3aub3au (2:04:11 AM): my first girlfriend, the girl i lost my virgininty to, i went out with for almost 3 years.. i would hardly call it thrown away though, now that it's over
bkellogg7 (2:05:10 AM): if i knew what i know now, i wouldn't have started dating her
bkellogg7 (2:05:14 AM): =thrown away
b3aub3au (2:05:18 AM): ack
bkellogg7 (2:06:25 AM): oh well, not your problem though
bkellogg7 (2:06:34 AM): like i said, not your fault either, dont feel guilty about it
b3aub3au (2:06:39 AM): guh
bkellogg7 (2:07:22 AM): i'd hate to ask but 1)was she drunk and 2)how far did you guys go
bkellogg7 (2:08:51 AM): it'll in some way make this easier for me
bkellogg7 (2:09:53 AM): ?
b3aub3au (2:09:54 AM): this is the second time i have been asked a question like this in the last month (the previous was my most recent ex wanting to know who i had done anything with since her) and in both cases i really believe i am not at liberty to say since the conduct wasn't mine alone.. have you asked erin about it?
bkellogg7 (2:10:17 AM): i just found out about all this
bkellogg7 (2:10:30 AM): although i had suspicision when i found out you called her like once a week
bkellogg7 (2:10:35 AM): erin's a bad liar anyone
bkellogg7 (2:10:39 AM): but she has no clue i know
bkellogg7 (2:10:47 AM): realize too that i kind of have a right to know
bkellogg7 (2:10:54 AM): i'm an unwilling thrid party to all this bullshit
b3aub3au (2:12:54 AM): most of the shit that i have fucked up on already involves revealing information to people that wasn't mine to reveal.. you can ask erin, and you can tell her that i don't care if you know
bkellogg7 (2:13:21 AM): ok i respect that decision
bkellogg7 (2:14:01 AM): like i said already, you didn't fuck up anything
bkellogg7 (2:14:05 AM): erin did
bkellogg7 (2:14:23 AM): haha, you're probally under the impression anyway that i'm some sort of terrible person
b3aub3au (2:14:32 AM): not at all, really
bkellogg7 (2:15:02 AM): i'm sorry if i'm being an asshole
bkellogg7 (2:15:08 AM): it's just...hard...you know
b3aub3au (2:15:09 AM): you're not in the slightest
bkellogg7 (2:15:32 AM): to dedicate your entire life to someone for three years, to promise everything, and then have completely disrecpted
bkellogg7 (2:15:42 AM): she was willing to throw that way, with a random hook-up
bkellogg7 (2:16:16 AM): why bad things happen and people fail despite all best efforts and intentions i shall never quite understand
bkellogg7 (2:16:19 AM): nor fully appreciate
b3aub3au (2:16:28 AM): i agree
b3aub3au (2:18:10 AM): i started shaking when you messaged me man.. because one, i knew what you were going to ask.. but two, because that meant that what i finally thought was the truth might not be, and if that was the case then i had to think about how fucked up all of this must be for you
bkellogg7 (2:19:32 AM): yeah, it is not easy to understand i dont know quite where to go from here
b3aub3au (2:20:10 AM): i honestly don't understand nearly any of it
bkellogg7 (2:20:51 AM): one of my favoire authors, jacob needleman, said "When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the spirit laughs for what it has found"
bkellogg7 (2:21:15 AM): yeah, sorry you're in a wierd position two
bkellogg7 (2:21:17 AM): too*
bkellogg7 (2:21:32 AM): a few things you have to understand about erin
bkellogg7 (2:21:40 AM): her life philosophy is "what people don't know what hurt them"
b3aub3au (2:21:49 AM): d'oh
bkellogg7 (2:22:00 AM): which leads a lot of lying
bkellogg7 (2:22:20 AM): so dont think of it so much as she's using you as she's using herself to achieve some sort of non-existant happiness
bkellogg7 (2:22:39 AM): in her mind she didn't "cheat" on me because a completely different "Erin" hooked up with you
b3aub3au (2:22:59 AM): how does that work?
bkellogg7 (2:23:04 AM): obviously this logic doesn't make sense (i cant argue that a different "beau"killed someone and he should be punished"
bkellogg7 (2:23:16 AM): haha, ask erin
bkellogg7 (2:23:54 AM): what are you curious about?
bkellogg7 (2:24:03 AM): you too have the right to know some things i guess
b3aub3au (2:24:29 AM): i was just curious about the completely different person logic
bkellogg7 (2:24:43 AM): she has a personality dont get me wrong
bkellogg7 (2:24:55 AM): but she's a human chamelion, she changes to adapt to other people
bkellogg7 (2:25:06 AM): although she has an underlining personality its almost impossible to find
bkellogg7 (2:25:32 AM): for example: around me she's an athesist of agnostic. around her mormon friends however she is mormon
b3aub3au (2:25:44 AM): ahh
bkellogg7 (2:26:20 AM): seriously, if she took a myers brigg test with 3 different people she'd get 3 different answers
b3aub3au (2:26:25 AM): g'damn
bkellogg7 (2:26:33 AM): with me she's a hard core INTJ
bkellogg7 (2:26:43 AM): with her college freinds she's way more extroverted
b3aub3au (2:27:09 AM): i would still be a secular humanist if god showed up at my doorstep and invited me out for drinks
bkellogg7 (2:27:35 AM): erin would be a jehovah's witness if one came to her doorstep and promised to be her friend
b3aub3au (2:27:47 AM): d'oh
bkellogg7 (2:27:55 AM): haha, and i say fuck god
b3aub3au (2:27:59 AM): yeah
bkellogg7 (2:28:15 AM): as soon as i realized i didn't need "him" i "killed" him (in nietzchian terms at least)
b3aub3au (2:28:54 AM): i was raised irreligious so i never got the chance
bkellogg7 (2:29:12 AM): i was raised irish catholic, lol so i got more than my chance
b3aub3au (2:29:15 AM): haha word
bkellogg7 (2:30:07 AM): well i'm gonna go try to sort some of this shit out
bkellogg7 (2:30:12 AM): i have a lot of thinking to do
b3aub3au (2:30:30 AM): alright, good luck
bkellogg7 (2:30:51 AM): thanks, again, you shouldn't feel guilty
b3aub3au (2:31:00 AM): since you gave me a jacob needleman quote you can have an h.l. mencken one.. "every complex problem has one simple solution--and it's always wrong."
bkellogg7 (2:31:03 AM): you didn't do anything wrong, erin did, she lied to you
bkellogg7 (2:31:16 AM): haha, nice quote
b3aub3au (2:31:43 AM): i love mencken.. haven't read any needleman though, now i guess i'll have to
bkellogg7 (2:31:58 AM): haha, one of laura's favorites too
bkellogg7 signed off at 2:32:13 AM.